Very often I receive emails from women who've just heard one of the following statements from a man they thought they had a future with: "I love you, but I don't think we should see each other anymore." Or, "I have feelings for you, but I'm not ready for a relationship." These statements leave the hearer dumbfounded, but the meaning is usually simple: he is backing away. The safest response is to believe him and stop chasing the puzzle. Do not turn his words into a secret code.

She asks her friends. She asks her mother. She consults a psychic. She lies awake at night trying to figure it all out. Then she concludes that he must really love her and that she can convince him they belong together. Here's the thing, though. She can't, you can't, and I can't convince anyone of anything. If a man says he can't see you for any reason, take him at his word and move on. That is the cleanest answer. Anything else just keeps you tied to hope.

Forget any proclamations of love or feelings or wonderful times together. Move on. If you keep trying to interpret mixed signals as hope, you only keep yourself stuck. A man who wants to be with you does not leave you guessing about his intent. If he is leaving you confused, he is already showing you enough. Confusion is not romance. It is a signal to step back.

If you tell yourself this always happens to you, try a different script: the guy did you a favor, he's not for you, and a man who knows what he wants is out there. Say, "I was born under a very good sign. Things happen for a reason. I am lucky in love." Repeat it often, and ask how it feels to be lucky in love until your subconscious starts to act on it. The more you practice it, the more natural it becomes. That is how a better belief starts to shape your life.